Week 17 2023

Ode To Last Place

The Ode To Schmole

(Plotz is a nickname of one of the league members, schmole is a Yiddish word for someone who smokes cigarettes in their own house and our last place award.)

Plotz

Now normally, here’s when I’d go into a tirade just berating Plotz for as many paragraphs as my keyboard could handle. But this year, I don’t have to do that. Plotz was able to do it himself. Let’s go through each draft pick and major transaction for Plotz this season to see why there is no one more fitting for the first annual Schmole.

Draft

Plotz had the sixth pick, a great spot made even better by number one overall wide receiver Tyreek Hill falling to six. Great pick. I’m sure he’ll pay dividends all season. Plotz’s second pick he couldn’t help. Aaron Rodgers going down nuked Garrett Wilson. He then followed up with Calvin Ridley, who was the hot name in fantasy drafts all summer, and a cold blanket to any fantasy team he was on all fall. Then came Lamar Jackson in the fourth. Great value, and he looks to be paying off in a big way down the stretch. Another great member of a successful fantasy team.

Plotz then rattled off two good/unlucky picks in a row. Dallas Goedert got hurt and Brandin Cooks has been money down the stretch. Then we had Plotz’s first running back! Khalil Herbert? Sure, maybe that offense takes off and he is the lead back. But a bold stance to take in August. Nevertheless. Then Plotz got really wild and took two of the same player in a row with Jerick McKinnon and Antonio Gibson (players who do not see the field often). 

He then followed up with, again, two really good picks. Rashee Rice and Tank Dell are both rookie receivers that have been showing promise and without Tank Dell’s injury, both could be a league winning pair. Great to keep on the roster. Plotz then took the rest of his running back room: Deuce Vaughn (doesn’t play), Zamir White (doesn’t play), and Chase Brown (started playing week thirteen). Rounding it out with Evan McPherson, this draft is about a B or B+. Some good picks and some bad ones, but hindsight is 20/20.

Roster Moves

In season, roster management is crucial to a winning fantasy season, so let’s see how Plotz did there. Plotz’s first move of the season was to drop Tank Dell for the Ravens defense. This was not long after the draft. His second move of the season was to drop the Ravens defense. Thank Yaweh he made room on his roster with the Tank Dell move so he could spend $10 FAB on Justice Hill. 

He then just traded defenses around until September 27th at 3:17 AM when he made his first big move of the season: spending $45 in FAB on Josh Palmer. Josh would break double digit points twice before going on IR. At least he is back practicing this week! Plotz’s subsequent moves were shuffling backups, kickers, and defenses until the fateful day of October 11th.

Plotz traded Tyreek Hill, Lamar Jackson, and Rashee Rice, three of his only useful draft picks; for Davante Adams, Tua Tagovailoa, and Alexander Mattison. To say this was a lopsided trade would be incorrect. A lopsided trade would help a team in the middle of the standings become a playoff contender. This trade took The Plug Uglies (in first place at the time and at time of writing) from the best team in the league to unstoppable. It may in fact be the worst trade we’ve ever seen. It was October! We knew Tyreek was amazing!

Plotz then continued to shuffle backups as he slowly bled FAB on defenses that wouldn’t move the needle for the rest of the season. Then, in true Plotz fashion, he blew the entire load ($31) on New Orleans’ defense, who scored 21 points in the pivotal game of his season. If only the rest of the team put up anything meaningful.

Conclusion

Plotz had three losses decided by less than five points this season, so it wasn’t like he was even competing. His average margin of defeat was over twenty five points. None of these games were close, neither was the race to the bottom this season. The refrain of defensiveness from Plotz after he made one of the worst trades we’ve ever seen was “We’ll See!" Well, Plotz, we did see. We saw you tailspin into last place and shoot yourself in the foot repeatedly with each attempt to escape. And now we get to see you Irish Dance. And if it’s not good enough? We get to see you do another punishment.